March was a very busy month. It was full of changes, some life changing and others not as big but I wasn’t on my laptop very much last month. I was slacking ion blogging and I apologize for that, but when I give you all these updates, you will definitely understand why I haven’t been blogging as much.
As I have shared before, last year and into the beginning of this year I struggled really bad with PTSD and Depression. My anxiety got so bad that I would have a panic attack everyday and even worse, I had no motivation in life whatsoever. It wasn’t until I started seeing a therapist did I find a little relief in those panic attacks. And of course, finding my faith was a big part in letting all of the darkness go and be able to move on from my past.
Last month, I finally found a breakthrough in my panic attacks and I haven’t had one in over three weeks which is a really big accomplishment. In order for me to find a relief, I had to pray a lot and God definitely answered my prayers. I had two big things happen to me last month and I had been praying and asking for some answers and I really needed that to happen. So here are the two big life changes that happened last month
Change 1: I Changed My Degree!!!
That’s really shocking right? I had dreamed about becoming a mechanical engineer since I went to the Houston Space Center when I was little. I absolutely love the idea of science and then while going through chemo, my plan after graduation was to travel into third world countries and build natural resources. I always knew I wanted to help others but the reality of having cancer is that sometimes plans have to change. Last semester, I started struggling really bad in school, granted most of it was from the PTSD and my lack of confidence but once I started gaining back my confidence and learned how to tame the PTSD, something in school felt off. I no longer felt the passion and drive for engineering that I did before.
The lack of motivation in school caused me to really think about what I wanted to do in my life. I knew I wanted to help others and still go on mission trips but there had to be another way for me to still help others without being a mechanical engineer (I mean I know that I can still help others no matter what I do but I mean for me in general)
I knew the power of God was amazing but when it comes to school I really struggle at letting Him take control but these past few weeks, I have put my entire life into God’s hands and it is amazing. Before when it came to school, I legit would never ask for help which is really bad. I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone that I was struggling so I would scrape by especially in my engineering classes. At the beginning of March, I really began to notice that I no longer wanted to pretend to know what I was doing and just follow God’s plan 100%.
I changed my degree to Engineering Education, yes, I love engineering and still want to be able to learn about engineering which is why I kept engineering part of my education however, instead of being an engineer, I will be a certified high school teacher in both science and math and I am beyond excited. I decided that becoming a teacher is the best way to help others, in my case. I love helping students and I can still go into third world countries to teach. I prayed and prayed about my future plans in school and God sent me my answer in a dream and I had never been so amazed, after having that dream I went in a changed my degree the next day. And I have to say that it was the best adult decision of my life.
Change 2: I’m writing a book!
I share my story for one reason: to raise awareness. Hodgkin Lymphoma is not a very common cancer, in fact when I got diagnosed with it I had no idea what the heck it was. I also didn’t know much about the effects on your life after cancer treatments are over. I want to use this book as a resource for people who were in my shoes or are battling with a blood cancer or a mental illness.
I have really been thinking about how this book will come together and I finally figured it out and have been working on it. Obviously, I don’t want to give much away but just know that I am really excited for this life changing experience.
Everything else during the month of March seemed to have gone very well. I am only taking one class right now since I dropped most of them but I have been working on my blog, my health and of course I am really just working on building my relationship with God. I am so beyond thankful for the help I have received during my time of need and in these past few months I have never felt so loved or happy. Psalms 16:8 says ” I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me.” I found my calling by finding God and I cannot wait to see what He has planned for me.