Cancer Free- One Year Anniversary
July 7th, 2019 was a very special day for me, it was my one year anniversary of being cancer free! I honestly didn’t think that I would make it (I mean I knew I would) but I did and I am so dang proud of that. I figured since I made it to a year I could do a reflection on how the year went, there were a lot of ups and downs but I definitely have grown to love the person I am today so I must’ve done something amazing to find self-love.
I know sharing 365 things for everyday that I have been cancer free is a lot and I know I am lazy and wouldn’t finish anytime soon so I decided to share 12 good things that have happened since being cancer free. This year has been full of stress beyond belief but there has also been a lot of good. I have overcame a lot this past year of remission and I have learned to find the positive in everything. While I am still working on me, I can finally say that I understand why this happened to me and I will never regret any of it. I have become a better person, a stronger woman and I have found love for myself and it is all that I have ever needed in life. So here are 12 good things that happened this year.
1.Finding out that I’m cancer free- So this is a weird story right, I got into a car accident last July and since I had gone through chemo and radiation, I knew I had to go to the hospital no matter what just because there could be a chance of internal bleeding. I wont lie, the car accident sucked, I wasn’t at fault but I really liked my car. I had to get a CT scan, and we knew that there was a chance that the spot on my lung that they were watching was still there, the biggest surprise of the day was when the ER doctor came in a said that the spot was gone and I was officially in remission. For the first time in a long time, I was genuinely happy.
2. Exploring Alaska- I love travelling and going to new places. When I was sick, I was a homebody. I didn’t want to go anywhere and only wanted to be around family. When I was told I was cancer free, I had this change of mindset that I want to travel and go exploring for the rest of my life. When I went to Alaska, last summer, I realized how much of the world I am missing and fell in love with how beautiful it was. Going to Alaska was the highlight of my year and I can’t wait to see where I go next.
3. Finding God- This is a big one because once I was back from Alaska, I was going through a really rough spot in life mentally and emotionally. I was struggling really bad with drinking and depression and PTSD but when my aunt invited me to church, that very first Sunday I went was absolutely amazing. I have felt the presence of God so much before in my life and I finally had that connection that I was missing and it felt like home.
4. I found my true passion- My whole life I knew I was going to do something big, what it is I am not sure yet but one thing I knew for sure that it had something to do with teaching. I was going to school to be a mechanical engineer but after I was done with my treatments, I was too frustrated with my chemo brain and I really just gave up but I found teaching. I realize how much I love teaching and how much of an impact I could be for students. I want to be a mentor to high school students that a lot of us struggled to find. I want to be a teacher that cares and will help get students to where they want to be.
5. I turned 21!- This is exciting just because my 21st birthday was my first birthday in two years that I wasn’t in the hospital so it was super exciting. I was in Utah for my birthday with my parents so it was just the icing on the cake. I had a great time and it was especially amazing to not be in the hospital.
6. I am getting back in shape- Before we found out about the cancer, I was super malnourished and way under weight for my body type. I couldn’t eat anything and when I did eat I couldn’t keep it down so overall I was just barely getting by. When I started chemo, I was put on a steroid and while it was great that I could finally eat again I gained so much weight that I was no longer comfortable in my skin. I started working out but that was all. When I relaized what actually needed to be done, I changed it. I have started putting my health first, mentally and physically and I have also been eating right and really making an effort of understaning the importance of balance. Currently I have lost 25 pounds of chemo weight and I feel great.
7. I have friends (yes, Kylie has friends)- I struggled with having friends, mainly because I have always been a person who gives and gives but never really received anything back (I mean I have but not as much as I give) but that is how I have always been, I never put myself first and make sure everyone else was taken care of before I was. Since I have been coming to church, I have made friends that truly care about me and help me through things. I don’t feel alone and having these friends is really great. I can be the real me and not feel out of place. They have taught me so much but most importantly they have taught me a lot about self love.
8. I am learning new things everyday- I love learning, probably why I want to be a teacher but I try to learn something new everyday. Before I never had any motivation but now I’m reading my bible, I’m listening to new music, I’m learning how to play the guitar. The world is full on endless knowledge so the more I can learn about anything, the clearer my purpose is.
9. I bought my first car- This was a big deal for me, I put my entire savings account into a car and it is almost paid off. I had to get another job to pay for my insurance and car payment but I bought my Stella Luna and I love it so much. It was such an adult purchase that I finally get to explore and not have to worry about if my parents need the car, it’s all mine and I love that I can say that.
10. I moved out of my parents house- For a while, I was struggling really bad with my PTSD and I was being very spiteful. I left my parents house and slept on my aunts couch for quite sometime. A few months ago, I came to terms with my behavior and with some advice and persuasion from my aunt and uncle, I began fixing things with my parents and decided that I liked being an adult so with the support of my mom and dad they allowed me to move out. I am entirely independent at this point in my life. I pay rent, I pay my car and car insurance. I pay for everything and it feels amazing. I love that I was able to come to terms with my parents and moving out improved our relationships.
11. I am back to school full time- I had to take time off of school and even last semester had to drop a few classes but I have been working on my focus and my time management post cancer treatments and I am finally back to school full time and am able to take a full course load without worrying. I have learned not to doubt myself and the feeling of being a student again is amazing. The memories of school no longer give me anxiety now that I am doing what I want and what I am passionate about.
12. I am alive, I love life- This is the best part of the year. I am happy, I am alive, I love myself and I feel like a completely different person. I am not on edge anymore, life is just absolutely beautiful. I finally feel like I have a purpose in life and I never want to go back. Each day I find something to do and learn.
I have so much more to share but these are spot on. I couldn’t have imagined a better year and while there were some not so good events, I overcame everything. God has led me to being a better person, I am strong, independent and I love life. I know one year doesn’t seem like a long time but this year was a very long year and it is even better that I could share with everyone my journey to self love.
As always, thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy! I am getting back into blogging again after taking a break so get ready for some new content here in the next couple of days.
Essentially Kylie D.